No Notion Disco

AKA A Rainy Sunday Afternoon in Sankey Bridges, more of a selection than a mix per se;

Kiki Dee - Chicago (Rocket)
Space - Carry On Turn Me On (Obsessive)
Glass Candy - Miss Broadway (After Dark) (Italians Do It Better)/Cheech & Chong - Lard Ass (WB)
Otis Clay - The Only Way Is Up (Harmless)
Herbie Mann - Superman (Atlantic)
Walter Muphy - Uptown Serenade (Private Stock)
Santa Esmerelda - House of the Rising /Quasimodo SuIte(Philips/Fauves Puma)
Evelyn King - I Don't Know (Popular Peoples Front re-edit) (PPF)
L.T.D - Back In Love Again (A & M)
The Gap Band - Outstanding (Total Experience)
Harold Melvin & The Bluenotes - Wake Up Everybody (Pt's 1 & 2) (PIR)(with the merest sliver of Funkadelic to bridge it)


https://www.yousendit.com/download/TTdFYlJUb0JIcWZIRGc9PQ

Cuckoo Fanzine - are you balearic/Tony Wilson etc

Cuckoo no 1 – Turn on, tune in & slop out!

Cuckoo was one of my many short-lived fanzines from the late 80s/early 90s. Just re-discovered in me ma’s loft, along with Hang Loose nos, 1 & 2, (yet another fanzine concept that went no further than Widnes Market), I’ve decided to put a few bits n’ bobs from both titles up on here, just to remind myself of what a whopper I was/am!


Are You Really Balearic?

(note: this was done at the time of Spice, Ophelia, Venus etc when the ‘balearic network’ was in full swing and ‘dressing up’ as opposed to dressing like a ‘scally’ had once again become the door policy for many of these supposedly progressive clubs)

Much has been written about Balearic and most of it has been Ballorocks. Is Balearic a musical genre or an attitude? How do you say Balearic? Is it Bal-ear-ic, Bal-yerrick, Bally-eric or Can-aries? What do Balearic people look like? Loads of hair and a Radion logo t-shirt? No hair at all and a Telecom de Garcons sackcloth shirt? A bit of hair on their toes and a Colman’s Mustard New Age toga? The whole point of Balearic is not to take things too seriously, so here’s my complete guide to being utterly Bal-hee-herikk (proper Minorcan pronunciation). First of all watch all the quiz shows, adverts and soaps and develop your own wacky repertoire of tacky catchphrases such as ;

“Don’t put your daughter on the stage Mrs. Worthington!”
“And remember…the clues are there!”
“Oats! Pull the other one!”
“Pooh what a smelly horse!”
“Points mean prizes.”
“Hot pot please Bet!”
“Ragu, Ragu, brings out the Italian in you!”

This stage complete, you should go about concealing your public school background by adopting an orfenic Sarf Landan accent and brill rhyming slang ie. “Me Richard’s a stylist at Victor Baboons!” Ask your parents to ‘loan’ (give) you five grand to set up your own fanzine (called ‘Smash!’), record label (Corking Platters) and promotion company (Blooming Fabbo Events). Tell all and sundry that you used to be a Dorking Town hooligan and served time with Reg Kray, Ian Brady and Al Capone. If it all goes well and you’re accepted into the Balearic mafia then memorise the following list of Balearic Essentials:

Balearic Authors :

Martin Amis
William Burroughs
Bret Easton Ellis
J.D. Salinger
Aleister Crowley
Enid Blyton

Balearic Artists :

Aubrey Beardsley
Edward Burne-Jones
Roy Lichtenstein
Gustav Klimt
Tony Hart

Balearic Films :

2001 A Space Odyssey
Scorpio Rising
Blue Velvet
A Clockwork Orange
Un Chien Andalou
Metropolis
Altered States
Pink Flamingos
Snow White

Balearic Musicians :

The Orb
Santana
Gladys Knight
Philip Glass
Abba
Curved Air
Serge Gainsbourg
Windsor Davis and Don Estelle

Balearic TV :

The Price Is Right
Through The Keyhole
Coronation St
Neighbours
The Time, The Place
The 8.15 From Manchester
Wheel Of Fortune
Pebble Mill At One
Nationwide
The Harry Worth Show

There you go then! Balearic Mafiosi types always counter the accusation of elitism with the retort that they’re only taking the piss. So the next time you get refused entry into a Milky/Slammy/Spicy/Ducky event, simply tell the door-person that you’re the lovechild of Reg Holdsworth and Nancy Noise and you’ll have no hassle….and I mean that most sincerely folks!


Cuckoo’s Nest – top platters of yesteryear

Burning Down The House – Talking Heads
Feel The Chant – Spandau Ballet
Heart & Soul (Reprise) – Great Leap Forward
Wire (Dub) – U2
Wordyrappinghood – Tom Tom Club
Kissing With Confidence – Will Powers
Tusk – Fleetwood Mac
Strut Your Funky Stuff – Frantique
Bourgie Bourgie – Gladys Knight
Upside Down – Diana Ross
Undercover – Rolling Stones
Landscape – The Mohawks
Funk 49 – The James Gang
Make Me Smile – Chicago
The Crunch – Rah Band
Magic Fly – Space
Hard Times – Human League
Lifetime Love – Joyce Sims
Cold Getting Dumb – Just Ice
Follow Me Follow You – Genesis

Greavsie’s A to Z of Culture

(note Jimmy Greaves was the ‘outspoken’ ie bigoted, former alcoholic pundit on ITV’s Saint & Greavsie football show and prone to loony anti-lefty diatribes on TV and via his Sun column)

A is for Art – paintings and stuff
B is for Ballet – a load of puffs dancing
C is for Cinema – Patrick Swayze films and that
D is for Dada – Experimental German art school of the 1920s
E is for Existentialism – err!!!
F is for Freud – shagging and stuff
G is for Greek Civilisation – I like a few weeks in Rhodes
H is for Hamlet – I prefer Castella myself
I is for Impressionists – Bobby Davro and that lot
J is for Journalism – I write for The Sun
K is for Kafka – brilliant Czech novelist author of Metamorphosis
L is for Lagerfeld – I don’t touch the stuff any more
M is for Mondrian – my grandson could paint better than that twat
N is for Nobby Stiles – toothless hero of England’s 66 World Cup squad
O is for Opera – fat Italian bastards singing
P is for Pianists – like Chas and Dave
Q is for Queen Elizabeth – God bless yer maam!
R is for Roland Barthes – I new his brother, Municipal
S is for Shelley – workshy sit-com star played by Hywell Bennett
T is for Tennyson – I hate that Boris Becker!
U is for Umberto Eco – Italian metaphysical novelist, author of The Name Of The Rose
V is for Verdi – as in lasagne
W is for Wordsworth – he wandered lonely as a cloud. Prick!
X is for Xylophonists – Patrick Moore for example
Y is for Yeats – Liverpool defender of the 60s
Z is for Zen Buddhism – Oh fuck off and put Russ Abbott on!


10 Unusual Destinations For Your Foreign Rave Trip

Oumel-Bouaghi – Algeria
Cochabamba – Bolivia
Plzen – Czechoslovakia
Olafsfjoerdur – Iceland
Balik Papan – Indonesia
Antananarivo – Madagascar
Janakpur – Nepal
Pingtung – Taiwan
Chililabombwe – Zambia
Yap – The Federated States Of Micronesia

10 Wacky Venues For Your Invites Only Party

In your nan’s attic
Half way up Ben Nevis
Inside the belly of a whale
Underneath a particularly large cow
At a Boy’s Brigade bring n’ buy sale
On a Manchester Ship Canal dredger
In a chippy
3000 feet down a disused Cornish tin mine
In the bonnet of a Hillman Imp
At your mum and dad’s 25th wedding anniversary

10 strange things to wave above your head whilst dancing

An ostrich
A set of encyclopaedias
An inflatable dinghy
A life-size replica of the Elephant Man
A Black & Decker hedge-trimmer
A No Left Turn sign
Jim Bowen’s scalp
A 30 piece stainless steel cutlery set
The entire Tottenham Hotspur football team
The remains of a half eaten hippopotamus

10 names pop stars give their kids

Neptune Geronimo
Tostig Butterfly
Zachariah Moonboot Junior
Petal-Delicate Rainshower
Oxo
Billy Agamemnon
Mozart Amplifier Reverb Monitor
Ernie
Candlewax Bunty Flip-Flop
Organa Celery Herbivore

A Man For All Schemings (A Nightmare On Whitworth Street)

(note ; this was written just after the Hacienda had re-opened for business after the whole gangster closure fiasco – it was sent to Wilson himself who returned it with comments such as ‘bullshit’ scribbled on in red ink.)

Call him Tony! Call him Anthony! Call him Mr Wilson! Call him wanker! Call him whatever you like, the World’s Greatest Living Mancunian doesn’t give a flying fish. A man of many guises, this supremely self-confident – arrogant if you like – man plays different roles depending on his audience. Put him on Yoof TV and he’s the street smart patron of the dance scene, put him on a business programme and he’s the hard-nosed corporate supremo, put him on something arty and he’s the dialectical scholar. Stick this man anywhere and he’ll adapt, a smug chameleon in a 700 quid suit.

As boss of Factory Communications, Wilson has built up one of Britain’s largest independent music and media empires and, so he maintains, invested in his hometown’s economy, increased it’s cultural importance and cocked a snook at self-important, lethargic old London Town. Tony makes grand claims on behalf of his company but are they really worthy of the appreciative slap on the back that he so evidently feels they deserve?

In 1989, ‘Madchester’ that ill-defined, misunderstood movement made front covers not only in the British music press but also in foreign current affairs publications. But who had most to gain from this new freaky youth phenomenon? Mr A. H. Wilson of course. The scene’s leading band, The Happy Mondays were signed to his label and its spiritual home, The Hacienda, was his club. No wonder then that he engineered a farcical incident at the 1990 New Music Seminar by provoking black US techno-crats in the infamous ‘Wake Up America, You’re Dead’ debate. Madchester needed US exposure and Tony Wilson, the arch media manipulator, was determined to get it. He got it alright but the gap between his wayward champions of urban UK rock, the Mondays and suburban US rock was too great a gap to span and the kids of Kasey Kasem stuck with bands who had curly perms and wore leather pants.

At home meanwhile, Madchester was fast becoming an embarrassment. National tabloids were publishing their own cut out and keep guides to the scene, getting the parlance, fashion and music all hilariously wrong. Like Swinging London before it, Madchester had become a mythical creature, unrecognisable to those who had created it. Bands began to distance themselves from the whole thing, fearing the inevitable backlash and places The Hacienda and Affleck’s Palace became tourist attractions for those in search of the legendary Manchester vibe.

In this respect, Wilson’s hype backfired on him as disenchanted Manchester clubbers felt the Hacienda had lost its credibility and deserted in droves. This wasn’t the only reason why they went elsewhere though. Many regulars had become disillusioned by the Draconian door policy adopted by the club during its battle with the Greater Manchester Constabulary to keep its licence. Ostensibly this policy was implemented to prevent drug taking and selling inside the club and the bouncers were under orders to refuse entry to so-called ‘undesirables.’ This resulted in arbitrary refusals for both first time punters and hardcore regulars alike, so Manchester clubbers voted with their feet and moved onto other clubs instead,

Potentially the threat of becoming unfashionable was worse than the club’s licence being revoked. Enforced closure meant certain martyrdom whereas voluntary closure could prove an opportunity to make headlines and re-think strategy. And so, after fighting off James Anderton and his Puritan Yeomanry, Tony Wilson closed the Hacienda of his own accord in a blaze of publicity. The official reason for this unexpected event was that the lives of the club’s employees had been threatened by local gangsters. There was no denying the fact that Manchester did have a serious gang problem and that they already controlled the doors of other city nightclubs. However cynics felt that the Hacienda’s problems had been blown out of all proportion by the club’s management to smokescreen dwindling attendances. The skilfully handled press conference given by Wilson made it clear that we were witnessing the end of an era; the Cavern of the 80s was shutting up shop…but not for long.

The Hacienda dramatically reopened several months after closing. Apparently the gang warfare which only weeks ago had forced the club’s closure no longer posed a problem. This was a surprise to those people who were bombarded with ever worsening tales of Manchester’s internecine gang war, which was at its height at the time of the re-opening. Konspiracy, the club which had taken most of the Hacienda’s clientele had itself been closed due to an overbearing gang influence. This left a gap in the market and, whether it was coincidental or not, the all-new-metal-detector-no-drugs Hacienda filled a void.

That’s business, and whatever else he is, Tony Wilson is a businessman first and foremost. Factory isn’t a philanthropic enterprise run on behalf of your average-bloke-on-the-street, it’s a profit making venture. So they’re still based in Manchester when they could be in London or New York. Big deal! So they’ve opened a club and a bar in over a decade of business. Thanks a bunch! Why do they feel that they’re doing everyone a big favour by simply existing? Let’s face it, the unemployment figures wouldn’t exactly hit the roof if they uprooted.

Recognition where recognition’s due though. The Hacienda’s place in popular youth mythology is not only assured but deserved and I’ve spent many memorable nights there myself. Self-importance however, breeds a smug sense of superiority, which eventually leads to complacency and decline. No-one can take things for granted these days and the world is music is a notoriously fickle one in which to do business, as Factory, I’m sure, are only too aware.

Love him or loathe him, you can’t help admiring him. Call him Granada’s smirking granddad, call him rave culture’s Rupert Murdoch, call him the most hated man in England. Call him anything you like, the World’s Greatest Living Mancunian can rest easy in the knowledge that he’s Anthony Wilson and you’re not.

Special Hard-Up Factory Bargain Box Set Only £45 featuring all your faves…..again!!

Love Will Tear Us Apart; The L.S. Lowry Doom & Gloom 90s Remix
Blue Monday : One more time with a toss video mix remix
Wrote For Luck : The off it’s box everyone on stage dead live mix.

The Fall - The Man Who's Head Expanded

The Fall - Imperial Wax Solvent (Sanctuary)

Another year, another fucking Fall LP. With the publication of Mark E. Smith’s ‘autobiography’ and his worrying transformation into Shane MacGowan style drunkard icon, maybe it is time for fans and the band themselves to decide what the point of The Fall is.

Now, ever since Bingo Master’s Breakout I’ve been in love with the idea of The Fall rather than the reality of their music. MES’s messianic mantras spoke to those working class kids who were well read and well versed in the classic rock cannon, who knew their Burroughs and their Beefhearts but who were patronised by middle class musicians and music journalists. Smith’s contrary bigotry and aggressiveness, was designed more to provoke the liberal music press than anything else. He’s always played the role of the prole sage, the pisshead poet and reactionary rabble rouser and in doing so, has alienated band members and friends as much as the despised journalists he loves to wind up.

There’s no point attempting to analyse Smith’s lyrical hieroglyphs because he’d only sneer at such a futile exercise; he has been perverted by language and speaks only to and for himself and that’s fair enough. Yet, we can judge him and his band on their music and whilst there are moments of brilliance on Imperial Wax Solvent (see what I mean? De-cypher that fools!), there is too much on here that is simply The Fall knocking out more Fall Songs for Fall Fans with little deviation from the classic Fall formula. Which is like complaining about bread for tasting like bread I suppose.

It begins well enough with the creepily free-form Alton Towers, the ghost of Smith’s brilliant Von Sudenfed side project haunting the eerie electronic ether. But then it’s back to Fall Business As Usual. Wolf Kidult Man is typical Fall; all four four stomping drums, relentless garage riff and nonsensical Smith-isms ‘where is your momma, your power is gone!’

50 Year Old Man finds his phlegmy delivery first aired on Reformation’s ‘Over! Over!’ back and Mark sounds every day of his 50 years, growling and grumbling like the grumpy old punk he is. On and on and on he goes, informing all and sundry ‘I’m a 50 year old man’ like some OAP constantly telling you how old he is, as if staying alive in itself is some kind of achievement. After four minutes of non-stop ranting the track suddenly lurches into a banjo pickin’ hillbilly boogie before Mark begins again at half speed ’and don’t forget you tried to destroy me’ he spits, his paranoia trailing off into a fatalistic, confrontational reproach to anyone who has ever doubted him and his art (maaan). He’s a 50 year old man and he likes it, he’s a 50 year old man, what’re we gonna do about it? Er, fuck all mate. There follows an instrumental interlude and yet another song begins but it’s the same song, this is ProgFall. All in all 50YOM lasts for over 11 minutes. Infact he’s a 53 year old man by the time it ends.

I’ve Been Duped continues this ’the whole world’s against me’ tirade, this time with Mark’s latest female disciple, Eleni Poulou on vocals, doing what she did on The Wright Stuff. Like Rotten’s ‘ever get the feeling you’ve been cheated’ it rails against foes both real and imagined. It’s stated as a MES only composition yet its structure is perhaps the most traditionally poppy with y’know rhymes n’ shit. Maybe it’s meant for the charts, but if so, it’s no Hey Luciani.

Smith’s wobbly up n’ down singing style returns for a cover (about as committed to singing as he ever gets), this time on Strangetown detailing a love/hate relationship with some place that could be Los Angeles or Lower Broughton. Cosmic tumbleweed sounds blow through the streets where ‘the birds are too scared to fly.’ Definitely Salford then.

Taurig sounds like Raven era Stranglers meets Stephan Bodzin, a whispered vocal barely audible beneath the synth waves. It is fantastic.
Can Can Summer’s minimal duet with MES and Mrs and overlaid vocals ‘you are no dog’ he tells her. 'The town is anti-life, time to change back.’ Urban alienation, de-evolutionist social commentary or just the usual random words and sentences that sound meaningful but could just as well be meaningless?

At least it’s multi-layered and tech-y flirtations provide something different but then with Tommy Shooter we’re back on familiar territory. With lyrics like ‘chickens coming home to sit on your shoulder bone/ Painting yellow flowers after blowing away another balloon string/The rubbish piles up in the corridor.’ it could be an ode to a local ‘Life Of Grime’ character or just another Smith grotesque. Who cares? I have fell into the trap of attempting to decypher the words of a poet. And Smith IS above all a poet. Along with fellow Salfordians, Shaun Ryder and John Cooper Clarke, MES manages to project humour and menace in equal measure; there's definately something dark and deformed lurking in the Irwell, ready to bite anyone foolhardy enough to attempt safe passage across its slimey, sarcastic and scum encrusted waters.

Latch Key Kid begins with a bassline growling and several MES vocals stylings overlapping ‘I like to relax with tobacco and sugar’ the synth repeating the endlessly repeated ‘I’m a latch-key kid’ sloganeering. It becomes MESmerising after a few minutes but then so did the test card.
Is This New answers its own question. No, it’s the same old Fall Sound with Smith reciting one of his cut n’ paste short stories to a sprightly blinka-blink riddim. Instead of attempting to justify himself maybe Mark would be better just releasing a book of lyrics and have done with it. Take Senior Twilight Stock Replacer for example. That almost sounds like a parodic Fall title as spewed out by a Random Fall Album Track Title Generator, much like Imperial Wax Solvent itself. The imaginary job title is chanted by the whole band as if by repeating those four words they take on sinister alternative meanings or hint at hidden depths.

Closing track, Exploding Chimney erupts with stabbing metallic cut-finger chords and Banshees type shapes mutated by Smiffy’s mumbled vocals. As he says at the end with his parting shot ’he’s seen it all.’ Maybe he has and maybe he’s got nothing left to say.

As with last year’s ‘Reformation Post-TLC’ I found myself liking the songs that sounded least like the Fall which perhaps tells its own story. Much as I admire Smith’s refusal to be the media’s pet prole intellectual, he often lapses into self-parody. MES the mess; the snarling, tap room philosopher always with a sneering insult or epigram to hand. He’s obviously far more open-minded and open to new ideas than he lets on. He’s gone past the stage of proving himself a long time ago and with all kinds of people, young and of his own generation queuing up to work with him, perhaps Mark needs to break out of his own self-imposed musical and lyrical ghetto before he ends up like Morrissey.

Cafe del Classics # 3 - Central Heating (Grand Central, 1996)

Post-Madchester, Manchester’s music and clubbing scene was in the doldrums. The party was over and a sense of despondency had set in, as happens whenever any city scene captures the imagination of the pop world; think Liverpool post-65, London post-68, San Francisco post-70 or New York post-82.

Into this void stepped Fat City, a loose collective of hip hop-centric musicians, record label owners, Djs and promoters with a mission to put a spring back into Manny’s worn-out step. Exiled ‘Geordie’ (the kind of Geordie who has a public school accent) Mark Rae was the catalyst for much of this, opening the The Fat City record shop and the Grand Central record label as well as promoting various nights in the city. OK, they were by and large suburban white middle-class kids but their love for black American music was sincere and at least something was happening.

I remember going to the label’s ‘No Half Steppin’ nights and, after almost a decade of house music dominance, it was refreshing to hear a variety of different musical genres under one roof, indeed in one DJ’s set. Hip hop, funk, soul, boogie, jazz, latin, drum n’ bass all coalescing into a unified groove that transcended racial and cultural barriers. The fact that our mates were break dancing (still NOT revived at that time) there also told its own story; hip hop and the original ethos of Peace Unity Love & Having Fun was back, Jack!

Released in 1996, Central Heating was a showcase for this new cabal of beat finders and groove makers. They’d already released the Frying The Fat compilation a year earlier featuring tracks from Aim, Funky Fresh Few, Tony D and Rae & Christian, but Central Heating managed to surpass that and almost anything else available in the UK at that time. It wasn’t just the crystal clear production and the diversity of material on show, it was the sleeve-art, the confidence, the abstract feeling that, at last Manchester and indeed British music was moving forwards again, not relying on or copying Americans.

In rock, Oasis and the so-called Britpop phenomenon was making headway against US grunge but all that was a diversion, it was obsolete music made by obsolete musicians for traditionalists and Luddites. In the digital ‘real world’ THIS was Manchester’s true contribution to 90s music.

Hip hop remained at the core of Central Heating but only as a raw ingredient, the basis for a myriad of flavours. Essentially it all boiled down to the drum machine and the layers of sound added to it. Whether it was the ‘northern sulphuric soul’ of Rae & Christian’s still spine-tingling ‘Spellbound’ or the Evel Knievel hillbilly cut n’ paste of Aim’s ‘Original Stuntmaster,’ the slo-mo jazzy patter of Only Child’s ’Rain’ or Andy Votel’s creepy ‘Hemlocka,’ the luscious slo-jam soul of Scruff‘s ‘Gotta Have Her’ or the straight ahead party jams of Tony D’s ’It’s Times Two’ or Funky Fresh Few’s ’You Mean Fantastic’ there’s not one bum track on the three slabs of heavy duty vinyl (even then CDs were anathema for diggers and divvies, bonus tracks or not).

Soon a whole host of inner-city British ‘beats’ labels would spring up, capitalising on the late-90s boom for shitty sampladelic Fat Boy Slim copycats. In truth it was a pretty dreadful time yet Central Heating remains as one of, if not the best example of truly modern British music and restored a little faith in Manchester as a centre for forward-thinking, self-confident creativity.

Lovefingers? Hatethumbs!

For those yet to sample the delights of Lovefingers - a website devoted to unearthing obscure musical gems on a daily basis and providing them for you or I or yer Uncle Tommy doing a five in Walton for twatting that midnight who blew up his Spanish baccy fiddle to listen to free of charge - this is our less technologically advanced version, hilariously entitled Hate Thumbs.

That's about as funny as a joke about finding the chief constable of Manchester dead at the foot of Snowdon with a punchline that goes 'pigs can't fly.' Anyways we've cobbled together a bunch of tunes from various CDL playlists and mixes which you CAN'T fucking download for nish because that takes time and energy and possible legal agreements with various publishing companies and who can be arsed with that? But if we could do something similar to the marvellous Lovefingers (www.lovefingers.org), then these are some of the tunes we'd put up.

LOVE FINGERS

Night Of The Hunter’s Moon - Sally Oldfield (Bronze)
Tomorrow I May Not Feel The Same - Gene Chandler (Chi-Sounds)
These Are The Laws - Judy Tzuke (Rocket )
Cucumber Garden - China Crisis (Inevitable)
Bullet - Renaissance (Island)
Little Red Fry-Up - Greenslade (Warners)
Slow Down - America (Warners)
Sealed With A Kiss - Jim Capaldi (Polydor)
Trash 2 - Roxy Music (Polydor promo)
One Minute More (Version) - Tony Gee (Mass Enterprise)
We Can Make It Happen (Sexy Licks Mix) - Prince Charles & The City Beat Band
Thinking About Your Love (Instru) - Skipworth & Turner (4th & Broadway)
Only Praise (Laker Boy Mix) - Praise (Epic)
Casual Ocean - Ananta (Touchstone)
Why Can’t We Live Together - Sade (Epic)
Osamu’s Theme (Kyoko’s House) - Philip Glass
Another Willingly Opened Window - Bill Nelson (Mercury)
VCL XI - OMD (Dindisc)
Baby Dub - Charles Augin (Malaco)
Fast Car - Foxy Brown (Charm)
Year Of The Cat (album version) - Al Stewart (RCA)
Blue Café - Style Council (Polydor)
Blue Riff - Stanley Turrentine (Blue Note)
Vjento Del Arena - Gipsy Kings (Telstar)
Sweet Revenge - The New Tony Williams Lifetime (CBS)
I Want You - Carmen McRae (Atlantic)
Do It Do It - Rose Royce (Whitfield)
Lay It Down - Demis Roussos (Philips)
Let’s Turn Out The Lights - Charles Aznavour (Mfp)
Let’s Love & Feel Free - Candi Staton (Sugarhill)
Lovers (Live A Little Bit Longer) - Abba (Vogue)
Yassassin - David Bowie (RCA)
Sky – Xango
Emerson Lake & Palmer – Take a Pebble
Shakti – Bridge of Sighs/George Carlin – People I Can Do Without
Peter Green – Skabo Day
Clive John – Summer Song
Focus – Crackers
Curved Air – Back Street Luv
John Martyn – Big Muff
The Neville Brothers – With God On Our Side
Traffic – Don’t Be Sad
Alan Parsons Project – Dream Within A Dream
John Travolta – Easy Evil
Nazareth – Morning Dew (Prins Thomas Edit)
Lynsey Buckingham – Johnny Stew
The Beach Boys – Long Promised Road
London Symphony Orchestra – Life On Mars
A Foreign Place - Japan (Hansa)
Secret Party - Masami Tsuchiya (Epic)
On My Own (Robin Guthrie version) - Ulrich Schnauss (Independiente)
All Of Me - Swell Session v Mark De Clive-Lowe (Freerange)
Be Suspicious - China Crisis (Inevitable)
Discover Your Life - Stylus (Prodigal)
East 6th St - Aquarian Dream (Buddah)
Sittin’ In The Park - Bobby Thurston (Epic)
Swimming (Dub Mix) - Nick Holder Feat Zaki (NRK)
Open Your Heart (Dub) - Madonna
Murphy’s Law (Instru) - Cheri (Venture)
Trust In Me - Vicki Sue Robinson (RCA)
Crocodile (Innervisions Orchestra Mix) - Underworld (Different)
Salacid - Luke Vibert (Planet Mu)
I’m Corrupt - Kid Creole (Ze)
Come On - The Real People (CBS)
Straight Lines - Suzanne Vega (A&M)
Attitude Dancing - Carly Simon (Elektra)
Letting Go - Wings (Capitol)
An infinite number of monkeys - Bob Newhart (Warners)
No Sound In Space - Tomita (RCA)
Bliss - Chick Corea (Happy Bird)
Twilight Of Idols - Fashion (De Stijl)
Inspiration - Grace Jones (Island)
Je T’aime (Moi Non Plus) - Donna Summer (Casablanca)
At Tension - Hall & Oates (RCA)
Floating Seeds - Ozric Tentacles (Snapper)
Fohat Digs Holes In Space - Gong (Virgin)
Moongerms - Billy Cobham (Atlantic)
Jacaranda - Sailor (Epic)
Toyota City - Human League (Virgin)
Herbie Hancock - The Eye Of The Hurricane (Blue Note)
I Feel Sanctified - The Commodores (Motown)
Space Princess - Lonnie Liston Smith (Columbia)
Big Change In The Weather - Gerry Rafferty (UA)
More Girls - Moments & Whatnauts (All Platinum)
No Matter What Sign You Are - Diana Ross & The Supremes (Motown)
Tell The Truth - Ike & Tina Turner (Warner Bros)
The Burning Sword Of Capua - Triumvirat (Harvest)
Don’t You Feel Small - The Moody Blues (Threshold)
Naked - Shackleton (Skull Disco)
Happy Monday (September Mix) - Undo (Factorcity)
I Remember You - The Eurythmics (RCA)
Italian Song - Jon & Vangelis (Polydor)
Fisherman’s Daughter - Daniel Lanois (Opal)
Wholly Humble Heart - Martin Stephenson & The Daintees (Kitchenware)
Only Love Can Break Your Heart - Elkie Brooks (A&M)
In A Stranger’s Arms - Yvonne Elliman (RSO)
Day Or Night - Little Feat (Warners)
Affirmation - George Benson (Warners)
The Hustler - Crusaders (MCA)
Watch It Go - Summer (Touchstone)
Zambo Montuno - Daiquiri (Sono-tone)
White Witch - Andrea True Connection (Buddah)
Magnetic Fields Part 4 - Jean Michel Jarre (Polydor)
Let It Happen (Instrumental) - Lindstrom (Feedelity)
River People - Weather Report (CBS)
Outer Space - Atmosfear (Elite)
Cicero Park - Hot Chocolate (RAK)
Life’s A Beach (Todd Terje mix) - Studio
Starry Eyes - LCD Sound system (DFA)
Let’s Go All The Way (Diamond Dub Mix) - Sly Fox (Capitol)
The Gospel (Instrumental) - Dizzi Heights (Parlophone)
Crimson As Murder (Punks Jump Up Can U Dance Remix) David Gilmore Girls (Relish)
A Brass Band In African Chimes - Simple Minds (Virgin)
Don’t Burn Down The Bridge - Gladys Knight & The Pips (Buddah)

HATE THUMBS

Lindisfarne - Clear White Light
Caravan - Aristocracy
The Higsons - Touchdown
Silver Apples - A Pox On You
Bill Hicks - LA Falls
Incredible String Band - Water Song
The Yardbirds - White Summer
Mercury Rev - Lincoln’s Eyes
D’arcangelo - Stepping Out
Aril Brikha - Anna’s Theme
Laurent Garnier - M-Bass
The Jam - Ghosts
Fun Boy 3 - The Lunatics Have Taken Over The Asylum
King Biscuit Time - Kwangchow
Lenny Bruce - To Is A Propisition, Come Is A Verb
Urban Tribe - Frequency Scan
Aleksi Perala - Black Leicester
Ceephax - Dreamer
Four Tet - My Angel Rocks Back & Forth (Icarus Remix)
Technasia - Eternity Is Almost Forever
Mudd - Crayfish & Deer
Lindstrom & Prins Thomas - Nummer Fire To
Andreas Vollenweider – Over the Wall, under the gardens, behind the tree
Dufus – Right On
Seals & Crofts – Sweet Green Fields
Paul Simon – Diamonds (Terje Dub)
Akabu – Akabu Theme
Simply Red – Love Fire (Big Red Mix)
Jerry Harrison – Worlds In Collision
George Carlin – People I Can Do Without/Steve Hillage – Octave Doctors
Map of Africa – Bone
Cal Tjader/Charlie Byrd – Tambu
The Sorcerer – Surfing At Midnight/Cheech & Chong – Lardass
A R Kane – Love from Outer Space
John Paul Young – Standing In The Rain
Magick Edit Allstars – Voices
Beyond The Wizards Sleeve – Bubble Burst
Mary McCaslin - Blackbird
Mtume - Breathless (Intro)
Dead Can Dance - Music Eternal
Roxy Music - Sultanesque
Giorgio Moroder - Leopard Tree Dream
Hawkwind - Opa Loka
Eurythmics - Monkey Monkey
Fehlfarben - Jar Jar (Es Geht Voran)
Des Allstar - Gone West
ROC - Cheryl
Gramme - Rehab
Steve Hillage - Unidentified (Flying Being)
Patrick Moraz - Impact
Fashion - Alternative Playback (Full Frame)
Dance Disaster Movement - The Shots
D.A.F - Der Rauber Und Der Prinz
Tangerine Dream - Fly & Collision of Solas
Propaganda - Dr Mabuse (A Snatch Thereof)
Mark Stewart - Contagious
Wendy Carlos - William Tell Overture (Abridged)
Les Nouvelles Polyphonies - Introitu
Daniel Lanois - Still Water
Tommy Guerrero - 100 Years
Cat Stevens - The Hurt
Steve Winwood - Spanish Dancer
B+ - B Beat Classic
Carole King - Spaceship Races
Robert Wyatt - To Mark Everywhere/Monty Python & the Holy Grail
Money Mark - Maybe I‘m Dead
Herbie Mann - Toot Stick
Coldcut - Autumn Leaves (Irresistible Force Mix)
Horace Andy - Girl I Love You
Jon & Vangelis - State of Independence
Steely Dan - Black Cow
Rhythm Heritage - Skippin‘
Demis Roussos - Let It Happen
High Feelings - Leave Norway
Thompson Twins - Vendredi Saint
Parliament - Presence Of A Brain
Neil Diamond - Crunchy Granola Suite
Steve Miller Band - Wild Mountain Honey
Poco - Sitting On A Fence
Sutherland Bros & Quiver - When The Train Comes
The Mighty Flyers - Blood For Blood
Four Seasons - New York Street Song (No Easy Way)
Steely Dan - FM (Reprise)
Peter Frampton - Doobie Wah
Cher - Flashback
Little Feat - Two Trains
The James Gang - Walk Away
ELO - Last Train To London
Billy Joel - Get It Right First Time
The J. Geils Band - Flamethrower
Boz Scaggs - Lido Shuffle
10cc - Blackmail
Creedence Clearwater Revival - Up Around The Bend
Chicago - What’s This World Coming To
Bread - Fancy Dancer
Dr Hook - Doin’ It
Robert Palmer - Fleshwound
Elkie Brooks - Nightbird
The Alan Parsons Project - The Voice
America - Sandman
Wishbone Ash - Time Was

Allez Allez

Best Of Allez Allez - Allez Allez (Eskimo)

Only the other day I bought a ropey compilation, mainly for a Vince Montana track but the stand-out tune was Allez Allez’s ‘Flesh & Blood’ with its ‘You Should Be Dancing’ horn coda and early 80s scratchy white funk. To be honest, Allez Allez must’ve passed me by, so I did a spot of googling and youtubing and the very next day this compilation was posted from the good people at epm. Serendipity? Co-incidence? Or something much stranger? Who gives a fuck?

Anyways, this compilation is a must for anyone with a penchant for post-punk faux funk. Opener, African Queen sounds so much like Grace Jones circa Nightclubbing that I think it’s perhaps a tribute to Queen Grace herself.

Allez Allez has a lyric that sounds like “Help me, help me, Gary Barlow!” I’m sure it doesn’t say that but it should. It’s ace and gets two remixes from heroes of the hour, Aeroplane and Lindstrom & Prince Harry of Helmand.

She’s Stirring Up has elements of Debbie Harry’s shite rapping on Rapture set to a frantic Haircut 100 backbeat whereas Marathon Dance is Defunkt meets the Gang Of Four with a splash of Talking Heads thrown in for good measure.

Turn Up The Meter is a Rip Rig & Panic meet UB40 style groove and Valley Of The Kings is the sort of corny cod-Egyptian concept track T‘Pau would‘ve based a whole double album around.

Wrap Your Legs (Around Your Head) is of course a play on the Gap Band’s ‘Oops Upside Your Head’ but in its delivery sounds far closer to the great bootboy chant ‘Boots Wrapped Round Yer Head.‘ Were Allez Allez familiar with the mating rituals of the Anny Road or the Scoreboard Paddock? I certainly hope so but somehow doubt it.

Flesh & Blood is next in all its magnificent slinky disco glory with a vocal that sounds like Billy MacKenzie fucking Minnie Ripperton and a boss mandolin solo competing with a cartoon woggawoggawogga sound effect.
Next comes the remixes. Quiet Village do their Quiet Village thing on African Queen, stripping back almost every element to leave the bare bones of a tune, which is, let’s face it, what Quiet Village are so good at. It never really gets going or goes anywhere but does so delightfully with eerie jungle sounds and monastic chants. Like staring at flock wallpaper without blinking, it becomes hypnotic after a few minutes.

The Aeroplane remix of Allez Allez does that Aeroplane thing that Aeroplane do so well, creating a gorgeous piano house groove that goes on for several centuries before the black plague kills everyone horrifically. Next up we have Optimo (Espacio) doing their Optimo (Escapio) thing on a ’Drum Attack’ mix of She’s Stirring Up which stretches the groove so far that it circles the sun and comes home in time for tea (fish fingers with winter mash).

Lindstrom & Prince Michael of Kent complete the Eskimo All-Star remix challenge with another rather L&PT-centric remix of Allez Allez. For the life of me it sounds exactly like a Lindstrom & Prince Nazeem Hamid remix of an Allez Allez track called Allez Allez track should sound like. The descending piano riff gets its coat on, takes the dog for a walk and makes a packed lunch for the old folk down the road’s day-trip to Llandudno before climbing onboard a bus, going to town for a browse around Primark and having a swift bevvy in the Beehive before calling in on his cousin to watch The Wire series three in one sitting.

Or something.

As St Etienne fans once sang ’Allez Les Verts’ but that’s neither here nor there.

April Fool's Rekkid Reviews

Mental Overdrive - You Are Being Manipulated (Love OD/Smalltown Supersound)

This could well be a lesson in how electronic music has evolved over the past 30 years, from the proggy opener, Intro through old skool electro (Elephantastic), Euro-disco (Europa), synth-pop (R.I.P.P.E.R), house (Run To The Hills), techno (Spooks) and break beat (Original Material) You Are Being Manipulated, whether consciously or not, tends to unfold chronologically track by track until Molina’s Theme where it devolves back to Italo and proggy flavoured moodscapes with Mysterio and the epic The Rage. By the time of closing track, End, we’ve touched almost every conceivable electronic marker and back again which is credit to Per Martinsen’s taste and dedication to pushing boundaries whilst openly acknowledging his influences.

Release date 28 May

Bochum Welt - R.O.B (Robotic Operating Buddy) (Rephlex)

A 2 x CD release that could almost be a parody of Rephlex’s techno-nerd tendencies, what with its perhaps self-deprecating title (Robotic Operating Buddy? Come on!) and Rephlexesque pseudo-scientific un-titles such as 8221SB, DR2D and HC-012 (maybe he’s in competition with Autechre) yet there is greatness to be gleaned from these grooves. CD one features new tracks and mixes and after a regulation android-tech-funk start with Flag, the tone becomes more melodic and ambient, but in a good way. R.O.B is the sort of music to seduce a toaster to. The second CD compiles rarities from Bochum’s back catalogue and with 20 tracks called things like Avtomaticesk, B2, Paph and Feelings On A Screen we‘re in familiar territory. Never a genre that’s gonna convert anyone but the most hardcore of post-tech noiseniks, nevertheless we should still be happy that people such as Gianluigi Di Constanzo are providing a travelogue to the outer edges of the sonic universe.

Release date 7th April

Low Motion Disco - Love Love Love Part 1 & 2 (Eskimo)

Like Fernando Torres, Low Motion Disco are Eskimo’s hot new signings that will brighten up an otherwise up n’ down season. With mixes from the likes of Still Going, Aeroplane, LSB and Soft Rocks to accompany the original version this is an opening salvo worthy of El Torro himself. Perfectly in keeping with the blissy-hissy nu balearia blueprint, Love Love Love is set to rock floors all summer long. LSB’s mix grafts pulsating disco strings and a Do Ya Think I’m Sexy coda for a chuggy mid-tempo groover whilst Soft Rocks go for an even more sedated Boz Scaggsy vibe but it’s the superb Aeroplane mix that really rocks my yacht Roman. We love Love Love Love here kidda.

Release date 21st April

Bliss - Big Freeze Volume 2 (Platipus)

This double CD is so chilled even wooly mammoths would be asking for lecky blankets. Now I’ve got a lot of time for ye olde chille oute scene, as guest DJ at many Big Chill events and a residency at Tromso Public Baths between October and February, I know what it’s like to play Boards Of Canada records to crowds of frost-bitten frenzied Lapps but this is something else. Bliss - fuck all to do with that bint from Faithless - give us a compilation that effortlessly fuses their classical roots with contemporary and classic pieces from the likes of Cantoma, Dubtribe Soundsystem, Mudd, Trentemoller and Charles Webster. To be honest, these compilations are becoming a tad predictable with the same old names appearing with alarming regularity, as if all those Ibiza Chill/Marks & Spencer Ambient Moods Vol 5/Lidl Sunset Strip Classics 37 never happened. That isn’t to say it’s not expertly programmed and pleasurable to listen to just a bit zzzzzzzzz.

Release date 14th April

Thanks to Jonas at epm for review copies.

Talacre FM Jukebox

Alien - Japan (Hansa)
Hills of Katmandu (played at 33 rpm pitched up to plus 8) - Tantra (Automatic)
House Of The King - Focus (Polydor)
Total Panic - Human League (Virgin)
Boo’s Boogie - Betty Boo (Rhythm King)
The Women - Village People (Mercury)
Back Together Again - Hall & Oates (RCA)
You & I Part 2 - Fleetwood Mac (Warners)
Crazy Pages - John Glover (Electric Record Co)
Dig Dis - Hank Mobley (Blue Note)